God-sized Dreams

 

I have mentioned this blog a few times in the past couple of months. The author is a sweet girl that I feel like I've come to know via her daily posts. She has a wonderful way with words. Her posts are really encouraging and uplifting. In January, she began posting weekly about having God-sized dreams. It wasn't a foreign concept to me to expect great things when we, as believers, seek Him for desires that He has initiated in our hearts. These particular posts just struck me in a special way. I now believe the reason was because the Lord was stirring in my heart on a particular subject. 

Many of you know our story of seeking to grow our family. It all began in the winter of 2007, I believe. We seemed to naturally move to the "TTC" (trying to conceive) time in our marriage. It began with much excitement, but after about 6 months or so, I began to get bogged down. After three years, I was spent emotionally and physically from all the testing and fertility treatments. 

For us, we had always wanted to adopt, so it wasn't a big jump for us to proceed with steps to begin the process. About a year later, we welcomed our sweet girl, Amelia, into our lives. She is amazing and has been teaching us so much! 

I didn't know what the future would hold for us as we continued to grow our family. Part of me tried to emotionally "close the door" on thinking we would ever physically have a child. We are passionate about domestic adoption and know that we want to adopt other children.  In the past few months, I began sensing the desire to "re-open that door".  My initial feelings about it are of fear and dread...and needles! I hate needles and doctors poking me! That part was terrible. (I'm a big baby!) 

When I began reading Holley's posts on God-sized dreams, it was almost immediate that I was drawn to my dream. Me having a baby is the one dream I have that I know, with a fact, would be a miracle to come true and only from the Lord. I text a sweet friend and asked her if she thought it would be senseless to pray for something that would most likely not happen. (We were just given little hope that we would ever conceive four years ago, so I just have felt like that part is over.) That dear friend spoke words of promise to me, in that she said if He doesn't want it to happen, He will give me a word from the Word on the matter. I proceeded with prayers about the subject.

Soon after, I made an appointment with the integrative specialist that I have been seeing for the past year. He has helped me to get my thyroid straight and continues to monitor it. I learned that he has helped several couples conceive children. We went to our appointment two weeks ago and we await blood test results now. I can say, without a doubt, that the appointment affirmed my feelings that the Lord had directed us to get a second opinion. I felt a great sense of relief.

I don't know exactly what the future holds or if the outcome of these appointments or treatment will result in us having a baby, BUT I do know that the Lord directed us to this at this time and I am confident that He will show us Himself in a new and fresh way through it. THAT is my #1 desire: to see Him for who He is and to learn from what He has to teach me through this. The result being a baby will be icing on the cake, because our goal is JESUS and to know Him fully. I am learning that if our focus is on a "thing" that we will ALWAYS be disappointed. Life is full of trouble and trial. He is the only reason to go on and to press forward. He makes it all worth it. If my joy is in JESUS, I cannot be disappointed! Whew!

Now, I know what some of you may be thinking...Amanda, you don't need to get all pumped up and get your hopes up. Have no worries, my friends. I have not time line in my head or agenda to make something happen that is out of the Lord's will. Obviously, if He brings us to becoming parents of a child that we have given birth to, it was His will. But I am meaning that I'm not pursuing something that I just want because I want it. He knows my desires and I want to say to anyone out there that is reading and wondering what HE wants from you, especially if you are in the throws of a trial and weary of trodding that rocky ground...HE WANTS YOU, my friend. He wants to bless you and give you the strength to stand up under it. He doesn't just want to to "make it" through it. He wants you to come out the other side VICTORIOUS because we have VICTORY in JESUS. (Now I think I sound like a cheerleader holding up one of those posters at the homecoming game..GO TEAM!:)

Seriously, this is a really personal subject for us to talk about, but I feel as though there are many people out there that get bogged down by the world and the discouraging people in it. I want to be one of those encouraging people who tells you that if the Lord has put a desire in your heart, He will see it through. I'm not speaking of some prosperity gospel message that says "do this and you will be rich". I mean that we are so often pulled down by this dirty, disappointing world and we need to lift each other up and tell each other that we believe He can do it!

Yesterday at church (we are visiting Fellowship Memphis) Bryan Loritts spoke on Matthew 26 and at one point said that prayer isn't us asking God for something and getting what we want. Prayer is telling God what you are dealing with and He will give you what you need to make it through it. Wow! So comforting!

I wanted to share what we are going through, encourage you in your journey and as you for prayer as we trod this infertility ground again. I know I will hit low times, like everyone, but I feel a zest and JOY like none before. As the quote goes, "If He brought you to it, He will see you through it" and I BELIEVE it! :)

**Holley Gerth has written a book about God-sized dreams. I look forward to reading it soon!

You can find her book: here