Bear and I have been married for over 6 and a half years. We have always wanted to have children and decided in 2006 to begin seeking the Lord to make that happen. We went through many steps in the process. Went to different doctors, etc to figure out why it wasn't happening after some time. In the fall of 2008, our fertility specialist basically told us that it was very unlikely that we would be able to have a biological child. We truly felt like the Lord had prepared us for that meeting.
We have talked about children and adoption from the time we got married in 2003. Adoption has never been a "plan b" for us. We always knew that sometime in the future we would pursue it. Bear always said that we would try and have children on our on first. So it made sense to go that route after meeting with the doctor. We decided, at that point, that it would be best if we waited until the beginning of 2009 to explore our options in the adoption realm.
At the beginning of last year, we met with different agencies and decided upon a local crisis pregnancy/adoption agency in our hometown. At first we thought we would jump right in and begin the process. After beginning the paperwork and background checks, we both grew emotional and really decided that we needed more time to deal with the fact that we most likely weren't going to have a biological child. We realized that we really needed to go through somewhat of a grieving time about our situation.
After about six months, we began the process again. So now we are in the "wait-and-see" stage. Through the agency we have chosen, the process is to wait until our profile (pictures/letter/biography of our lives) is viewed by a prospective birth mother. She actually chooses who adoption the baby. We aren't on a list, but are among a group of people waiting.
I guess it is hard in a different way that it was a couple of years ago when I went through a monthly roller coaster of being anxious, getting excited, to being dissapointed. Most of all we have truly grown through this process together. From the first month that we began the journey of wanting to become parents, we never imagined it would take us to where we are now. We never thought it would happen this way. Nontheless, we are thankful. We have come to the true realization that our Heavenly Father is soverign. It is one thing to know it in your head, but to see it in your life with open eyes every day is completely amazing!
Though we have tough days/weeks. We know without a shadow of a doubt that He is truly working everything out for His glory and our good. Just as in all of our lives, we see that He orders our steps. We must choose daily to follow Him in submission and have the humility to go in His grace and realize He is faithful and He will bring it to pass.
Bear and I truly believe that He has children for us. As someone said in an article I read the other day, these children will have always been ours, the Lord is just going to allow us to meet them in His timing one day.
We don't know where the coming months/year(s) will take us. We hope to parenthood SOON. But, regardless, we will cling to Him. The One who is the giver of life.
Today I read a passage that was so encouraging to me....
"Our soul waits for the Lord;
he is our help and our shield.
For our heart is glad in him,
because we trust in his holy name.
Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us,
even as we hope in you."
I look forward to posting more of what the Lord is teaching us and the many lessons He is teaching us in our lives. Thanks for taking the time to read. We cherish your prayers!